Where to start
by XxXSarXxX
Summary: Maria finds out who she really is that her mother wasn't exactly ‘pregnant and abandoned’ that there are two sides to every story. crossover, buffyRoswell please review it would mean alot to me! MARIA'S pov (CANDY)
1. The day i died

**A/n: I don't own anything, although I wish I did own Roswell, because then I would of made a better ending for season three! **

**Summary: Maria finds out who she really is and her mother wasn't exactly 'pregnant and abandoned' its candy but it will have a lot of angst in it please review, good or bad it will mean a lot to me. Crossover, buffy/Roswell, Maria's POV!**

I don't know were to start...so instead im going to begin at the end, the end of my sanity, love, emotions and life.

I can never go back to normal, no matter how hard I've tried I know now that im simply not and I resent that more then myself. It all ended when I found myself huddled in the corner, resting my head in my lap, trying desperately not to let a sob escape.

Although I tried a sob inevitably escaped from my lips I quickly cover my mouth with my hands, praying to whatever god there was that he didn't hear me...

I soon hear footsteps coming closer to were I sit I hide my face in my hands, not wanting to see the man who has taken everything from me... death would be the only good thing he could bring me, Instead he stares at me, emotionless as if he has no soul, no heart. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have any of them after all what he just did to my mother is unforgivable.

"Mar..." he stops, "Were is she?" he demands as he stands there looking down at me emotionlessly.

I ignore him, not knowing what he wants but even if I knew I wouldn't tell him anyway. I feel his rough hands pull me up from my crouch position, demanding me for an answer.

"What do you want?! I have NOTHING, you have taken everything from me!" I whisper coldly as I jerk my wrist away from his grasp.

"You know what I want Maria! Tell me were she is or you will regret it!" he whispers into my ear.

"I don't even know who you are... you have already taken everything from me, death would be the only good thing you could bring!" I cry, trying to push him away from my body.

He throws me against my wall, doubting that he even realised that he hurt me and if he did I can tell he doesn't care.

"You wont end up like her" he points at my mother, her body lying lifelessly on the ground, blood surrounds her helpless, small body. Discussed with myself for not even trying to help her...instead I just laid in the corner, hoping he wouldn't come after me.

"You...you bastard!" I yell, my voice failing me as I see him smirking.

"Trust me when I say, your mother had it coming" He says bitterly as he laughs. He walks up to my mother's body and he kicks her. All I see is more blood, dripping out of her flesh, my body refuses to move and my eyes seem to linger on the blood which drips.

I feel tears stream down my cheeks, yet my eyes don't seem to want to move as I see the man I don't even no continuously kicking my mother's dead body.

"St...STOP!" I cry desperately, "She is...she is already DEAD! Let me burry her body in one piece you sick bastard!" I spit bitterly. He turns around and for the first time he meets my eyes as I see how cold they truly are. I shiver in remorse for my mother, who I didn't even try to save, her screams echo in my mind, knowing that I will have to live, or die with that look of betrayal that she left me, in her eyes.

The guilt, which washes over me, is unbearable and what makes it worst is her death was unjustified.

"You fucken sick bastard!" I cry as I run towards him, trying to punch him yet with no success he kicks me in my stomach, I lie on the floor, gasping for breath that I have just lost. I lie there helplessly; I disserve this that much I know, how could I ever just leave my own mother to die! I scream in my head franticly.

"W-Why?" I ask desperately, needing to know the answer, how could he just come in our home and rape my mother and afterwards, kill her.

I see him hesitate as he tries to find the right words.

"She left me to die" he replies simply as he grabs my shoulders and shoves me across the other side of the room and into the wall again.

"Who the hell are you?!" I blurt out angrily as he walks slowly towards me with a smile placed on his face, which sends a shiver up my spine.

He doesn't answer though; instead he grabs me by the throat as I feel my feet lifting from the ground. I cant breathe although I struggle to try anyway, my eyes slowly drift back to my mothers body, I would rather look at her body, which is soaked in blood then the man who did that to her.

I feel the tears run down my cheeks even faster now, knowing that it's the only good thing, which could happen. Yet im not granted with the pleasure of death, instead he lets me go, my body falls on the ground as I gasp for breath. The hatred I feel for this man is beyond any words, it's a feeling, which will stay with me until I die.

"What...what are you?" I ask, while meeting his eyes, which seem so cold.

He smiles, "Im dead, I cant be much of anything" he replies, while smiling. I look at him with a questioning look on my face but anger over rides it instead.

"Why didn't you just kill me?! You sick bastard!" I scream hysterically. I see him shrug my words off so easily, which makes me want to lunge at him and attack him.

His face then turns serous "I can't kill my daughter..."


	2. Blood

A/n: for a lot of you, this story will be confusing, but you must know that this story adds up to my other story, 'The day I died' this is Maria's Pov and in my other story it's a Liz pov. I doubt that you will catch on to this story if you don't read 'The day I died' but then again some of your probably will. Anyways tell me what you think; I would appreciate it if you send me a review, 'nods'. Also, thank you to all my reviews from chapter one, you guys are the only reason why I put up this chapter! So keep the feed back coming! Your opinions and criticism is most welcome! And now on with the pie!

I thought he was lying; I made myself believe that he was lying, although the look in his eyes denies it. I don't know how im supposed to feel, I feel numb, completely and utterly, numb, aren't I supposed to morn for my mother's death? Aren't I supposed too seek revenge? But instead I stand there, feeling emotionless, nothing, numb.

Its true, when they say your life flashes before your eyes before your near death. Yet what people forget to tell you is, that it flashes before your eyes when your already dead. Because now, im dead, my heart is beating, yet inside all there's left is an empty shell of nothingness.

My voice seems to fail me, im supposed to be the strong one, yet after Alex's death I grew distant to the one's I loved. Maybe if I was actually there for Liz, just maybe she would still be here, instead of 6 foot under, as well as Alex.

My eyes seem to linger on my mother's body; blood stains the carpet as it surrounds her small figure. Yet you couldn't even tell that she was my mother...with her eyes rolled back into her head, it frightens me to know that im all alone.

My eyes don't seem to want to look away, instead I just watching the blood which is still lingering from her wounds, oozing out from the cuts which the man has made. Her body is left in a broken position, yet not having the heart to move her; I slowly look back at the man, which claims to be my father.

There was a moment when I believed it, were I actually considered the possibility of this man in front of me being my father. I was completely and utterly disgusted with myself as I realised what im considering. It was probably because all my life I wanted a father, to come back to me and tell me that he got lost, and all his life he was trying to look for his dear and precious daughter that he loves so much. Yet now, now that I look back at the man which is soaked in blood, which is splattered on his clothing, I have come to realise that I don't want a father, don't want a man to claim that im his daughter because now its simply to late.

"You...bastard" I whisper as I look into his deep blue eyes, trying to find the truth, within his beautiful eyes yet he just stares at me.

"I hate you!" I scream, knowing now that nothing possibly could get any worse. My mother is dead...because of me, every one is dying, every one is leaving me in this cold heartless world, were I barley even live.

He shrugs my words off, "Were is she?" he demands once again, not even knowing what his talking about nor do I care.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I scream in frustration and pain.

"Love, tell me now or I will kill the rest of your little friends" He says to me bitterly, with out any emotion.

I look at him in resentment as I shake my head, "I don't even know what the hell your talking about! Were the hell is who?" I scream angrily as I push myself up from the floor. Trying to make my self look less vulnerable then I feel at the moment.

He clenches his fist as his fist lunges at me, I tightly close my eyes, knowing I cant stop the inevitable, I wait to get knocked down. Only to be greeted by a thud, I slightly turn my neck to see his fist in the wall, missing me by only inches.

This man cant be my father, his nothing but a lying, murderous bastard! I scream in my head. I once again look up at his piercing blue eyes.

"Liar" I whisper as I meet his cold, glaring eyes, it feels like his going to burn a hole right through my skin. I slowly wrap my arms around my self, feeling the isolation hit me suddenly.

"Think what you will but soon reality will come crumbling down on you, that you wont be able to escape truth"

He moves closer, if that's possible, I cant feel his breath against my skin, I try to move; only to have the wall stop me, he soon gives me a smirk as he continues to his destination.

"Burn in hell," I spit, feeling my whole body shake in dismay, trying to shut my eyes, no longer wanting to meet his.

"Where is she?" he demands once again, still not having a clue what his talking about, yet at the very same time not really caring.

"Were the fuck is Liz!" he finally states. My head snaps back, not wanting to hear my best friend name, not knowing wether I cant bear the pain. He grabs my shoulders, "Were is she!" he screams again.

I shrug him off, trying not to tremble under his rough embrace, as I once again meet his eyes, daring him to look away. Finding enough courage to give him a cold, eyes glare to make him back off. He soon does, as I reply slowly but coolie. "She dead" I say, taking every single bit of strength I had left.

"I know that! But where is she!" he asks again more violently if that was possible. "Where the fuck do you think she is? She's in her coffin! Is that good enough for you? Or do you want her to burn to?" I scream hysterically. Not caring if he hurts me, I drop down on my knees as I try to restrain my tears, yet they reluctantly fall. I don't bother to wipe them away; I put my arms around myself, trying to feel some warmth.

I soon feel another pair of arms around me, I quickly shake him off me, refusing his embrace. I feel my left cheek stinging in agony as I realise he slapped me. I hold my cheek, already feeling the burning sensation. I close my eyes as I slowly rock myself.

T b c

A/n: if you are reading this then that means you finish reading this chapter, yay! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Please tell me your opinions, they are all most welcome!


	3. Haunting Deeds

"Maria, you don't understand how important this is, I need to find Liz before she wakes." He says in a matter-of-factly voice. I hold my breath and look up at him. "You killed her didn't you? Oh my God! They tried to find what caused her death but all they found was two fucken' bite marks and lack of blood" I abruptly stand from my kneeled position. "I don't own you an explanation." He sounds almost neutral. "Fuck that you don't! You claim to be my father, you killed not only my fucken' mother but my best friend! Please do elaborate on why the fuck do you not own me an explanation?" I say in a surprisingly calm voice. I glare at him, while I slowly slide my free hand down my thigh. I untuck the letter opener out of my pocket. It's quite a large blade for something you would only open letters for. Only thing is, tonight I'm not going to open fucken letters. I position the blade so I'm holding the handle not the actual blade.

Silence fills the air it's so thick that I could walk on it without stumbling. "I've always wanted a father…where were you after all these years?" I ask him, trying to keep the sadness in my voice. If he hears any strain in my voice then he won't fall for it. I have to make sure he comes nice and close. "Maria… I'm…no if I said I was sorry for killing your mother It would be a lie." Self-absorbed bastard. "I need to hear your side…" I whisper. But what I really wanted to say is, not like I give a hell of a lot for your side of the story daddy because your going to be dead very shortly. "Your mother betrayed me, we'll leave it at that!" he suddenly sounds very strained as if his fighting not to break into tears. Oh yeah because I really sympathized don't I? After he butchered my mother. Lets hear it for the sadistic bastards. I need humour to stop me from going insane. The only problem with that is that it sounds like I'm already crazy. I nod my head, acting as if I understand. Like I give a flying fuck.

With my free hand I rub my arm. As if saying I'm cold but no amount of blankets can fix the coldness that I'm feeling. Which is closest to the truth that I can find myself admitting. He hesitates but soon I find his arms around me. I force a sob from my lips and soon after I break down and I acrimoniously laugh. "You naïve, pathetic bastard, its your turn." I whisper into his ear. I shove the blade through his gut, hearing flesh rip from the impact. I fight to keep my composure as I twist the blade upwards. Blood trails along the blade and onto the handle. "Maria…" I hear him sob. I taste bile in my throat and I fight not to vomit up the little amount of dinner I had tonight. I grip the blade even tighter as I twist and pull it out of his chest. He kneels in front of me. He coughs and blood trails down his mouth. Am I supposed to feel something for the dead? For the man who killed my mother in front of me he didn't seem to care that it would haunt me. That I'm going to have many sleepless nights just dwelling on my mothers dead body, which lays in a pile of, nothing but blood and bones near my room.

"What's your name daddy?" I ask in a sweet voice. He holds his wound, trying to stop the bleeding but he cant. The wound is too large for him to grasp. He chokes on his words but he tries again. "William love, but you can call me Spike." I think he tried to sound calm and relaxed, maybe I would have believed it if he wasn't suffocating on blood…or rather the lack of it? "Aw that's cute you got a pet name?" I say more as a statement then anything else. "What's that?" I ask as I turn to hear loud thuds at the door. "The door love." He croaks. No doubt loosing a large amount of blood already. I wipe my hands on the curtain, leaving the beautiful colour crimson on the drapes. "Stay there" I whisper to William. "Don't worry love, I aint going anywhere." He mutters, trying to sound coherent or alive. I hold the blade behind my back as I slowly walk to the door. I reach out for the door nob. "Maria! It's me Michael, open already!" Michael? No it can't be him! I open the door as I lunge into his arms, sobbing.


	4. Sanity

His arms linger by his side for a moment. He hesitates but finally returns the embrace. I softly sob, resting my head in the curve of his neck. I fight to keep my composure but it seems the more I try the more tears cascade down my face. "There's blood?" he says as he slowly leans back to look at me. His confusion implodes the awkward silence. I tremble under his intense gaze. "Who hurt you?" he asks. I pull my shoulders back and take a few steps away from him. "Its not my blood." I say and even to me it sounded bitter. He grabs my wrist and yanks the blade out of my hand. I struggle, knowing that its futile I collapse on all fours. "He deserved it." I whisper as I slowly look up only to find that his already running towards the hallway.

I'm completely confused so very confused. Didn't he deserve it? Well did he? Why the fuck isn't anyone answering me? Why can't anyone give me the answers that I so desperately need to sustain my sanity? "Maria…" I hear his voice echo in my head. "Maria!" he says again but harsher. I pick myself up, cradling my body to where Michael stands over my mother's dead body. Her mutated form lying on the carpet, she seems so insignificant. Bones broken, blood drying on her wounds, such a beautiful picture, one that I know is going to haunt me.

Horror stains his beautiful brown eyes. "Michael-" I stutter. "Maria did she hurt you? Is that why you killed her?" he slowly walks near me as if I'm going to kill the fuckin' hostages. "Michael! No its not like that-" I whisper. "Maria, we'll hide the body okay! No one will ever know. If the police question you then I can be your alibi but please don't lie to me okay." He says as he stares at the body. That's all it is, just a body." Michael shut up! I didn't kill her, for god sakes." I scream. I need some air. I can smell the blood, which remains in the atmosphere. I can almost taste it at the back of my throat. Its sort of has a metallic and sweet tang to it. I think that's what did it because I vomit up the little amount of food I ate tonight. I vomit until I have nothing left in the pit of my stomach. Michael pulls back my hair while I sob quietly to myself. If he didn't my hair would have been in the mess that I've made.

I slowly regain my composure and get up from the blood stained carpet, pushing Michael off me as I walk back into the room where I left William. I have no recollection of the time and it scares me. His not here…what the—"Michael he was here! I wounded him. I would have killed him if you didn't come. Damn you." I whisper the last bit. I look behind me and Michael is right beside me. How the hell did he get here so quickly? "Maria, its okay…everything is going to be okay." He whispers into my ear, filling me with false hopes and dreams. I'm not a child anymore; he can't hide the monsters from me. I've seen them and yes they haunt me but I'm to old for him to turn on the light and pretend that there not really there. I know better. "How is it going to be okay? Have you not seen my mother's body? Have you not seen my clothing, there's blood all over me and what scares me the most Michael, is that none of it is mine!" He raps his arms around me. Affection let alone emotions he rarely shows but still knowing that still doesn't make it better…nothing ever will. But this is the closest I can get.


	5. I dont deservehim

An/ I'm sorry that this chapter took long. To be honest I haven't been thinking of this story. Exams are so hectic. sigh. Anyways I hope you guys are still out there! Depending whether or not i have anyone actually wanting to read this then i will keep updating. I just need to know if you guys are still out there. Well anyway honest opinions are all i ask for so please read and review. enjoy

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So what am I going to do? Daddy-dear is gone, fuck knows where? And my semi- off again on again boyfriend thinks I'm a murdering, insane, crazy lunatic who's lying to get herself out of this shit. It keeps getting better doesn't it? Next I will have the fucken blade to my wrist and digging my way back to sanity. Who knows? God I really have lost it hasn't I? Well I'm asking questions in my head which I know I won't get answers to so I would say yes. There I go again!

How can he still bear to touch me let alone hold me when he thinks I killed my own mother? How can he even think about hiding the body? Maria, can you really call that blood and carcass a body? God I think I'm going to be sick again… "Michael" I say but it comes out as a muffle due to the fact that my head is in his chest. "Shhh Maria, I know a place where we can hide the body, no one will ever find it. We can manipulate the structure of it to make it seem like a material object. We will think of something." He whispers as he holds on even tighter.

I rip away from his embrace, feeling the coldness hit me like a tone of bricks. How could he possibly think I had anything to do with this? "Michael! It wasn't me! I told you it was William! He…He…came in here and raped my mother and butchered her. God! I was there and I did nothing to stop him. I was so helpless Michael! So fucking helpless! And I left her to die. I heard her screaming, crying out for me to save her and I was a fucken coward!" And the tears just keep coming. I finally meet his eyes and what I see in them is enough to kill me. I'm a coward…I was expecting to see hate, shame maybe even pity but to see love and sympathy in his eyes…God I don't deserve it! I never thought I could ever read Michael like a book but there it is. All his emotions played out on his beautiful face.

"I left my mother to die Michael! What part of that don't you understand! Look at my hands, my cloths! I have blood, dried even, on my clothing and all you can do is look at me like, like I'm some sort of beautiful creature! You make me sick!" I sob in my hands. I'm overwhelmed with the desire to take the blade from Michael's hand and slit my own wrist if it hadn't been for the fact that it would only prove my cowardice. I've never felt so entirely alone, like no one in this world could understand.

"Maria…I know no one can possible imagine what you must be going through right now. I don't know what to say or do to make it all better but believe we when I say if I could somehow make your pain go away I would…I know I don't tell you this often but…I love you Maria and I'm going to be here for you just please don't lock me out.' He whispers as he slowly walks closer to me. I step back not wanting him to touch me. I feel like I don't deserve it. I don't deserve his love; I don't deserve any of it. "I need to call the police." I state as I walk in the other room where the phone is. It was the first logical thing I've said all day. I pick up the phone with my trembling hands and press the dials that I'm not use to. I hear the usual dial messages as they ask what they could do to help. "There's been a murder" I say.

The police come knocking at the door within 10 minutes. The sheriff is here and Michael lets them all in. I'm in the next room on the cream colored couch just wishing it all to be over.


End file.
